So close.

Kidnap Kid.

Wow, another month already done. That's five months down, only seven to go!

In line with my promise to continually research the topic for the month during the actual month, I learned about Elisha Goldstein's The Now Effect. In a video I watched about using breath as an anchor, he talked about the 'see, touch, go' approach. While meditating, it's extremely difficult to focus on nothing and let your mind really be empty. This approach calls for you to see a thought that comes up naturally, reach out and touch it with your mind just for a second, then move on and back to emptying your mind. It was extremely effective for me during a few meditation sessions when I had some minor drama, created in my mind, going on. My brain would organically conjure up images of this drama, I would explore it lightly for a second or two, then I'd go back to a calm present moment. It's something worth trying if you're having problems focusing solely on the moment.

My month of being mindful actually turned into a month of being introspective. The more I focused on thinking about living right now, the more active my brain became. With that activity came a creativity I forgot I possessed.

Okay. So here at the end of November, I've had a satisfying revelation. When I started this project, I felt that I truly needed it to find happiness. I told myself to explore all these topics so that one day when things are stressful again, I'd have built up points to spend on taking care of it head on and positively. Just last week I had a kind of drama come up. Someone I thought of as a friend had essentially 'chosen sides' with my ex. I didn't know that was even a thing anymore. I was especially shocked here just because I thought this person and I genuinely got along in a stand-alone fashion, separate from my ex. But apparently that was not the case. So this sad news paired with a few feelings of rejection in other areas of my life had me quickly spiraling into sadness.

Then I had a snap-out-of-it moment. Hello?! I've been working on this project for moments just like this. I launched into positive self-talk mode. When I would start to feel down about the situation, I would refocus to the immediate moment; emotions associated with that time don't exist unless you focus on them. It hurt to think about all of the fun things I did in Hawaii with this friend while knowing she had decided I wasn't worth keeping in contact with a year later. To avoid feeling negative about it, I decided I deserved a better friend than that and focused on all of the people who love me now. Realizing that no friendships are guaranteed to exist past a certain point helped me to let it go in the end. We had great times together in Hawaii, now she's in a different place in her life, as am I. It's unfortunate that it dissolved like this, but I wouldn't take any of it back.

So here I am, five months into this project, and already I'm different. I could've let those emotions spiral out of control and been mopey for days. Instead, I pulled from all the techniques I've learned over the past few months and said, "no, I don't want to feel this way."

I didn't even have to eat my feelings or cry over a rom-com.

-Jamie