It's time.

Music by Maria Taylor.
(Note: Haven't had internet for a few days. I'm late, so I'll cover the past two weeks in this note.)

Buddhism. Maaaan, I had no idea...
So I read about Buddhism, and I guess you could say it really spoke to me. The basic concepts are so appealing, in a world full of greed and anger and jealousy and other strongly negative emotions. Following the principles of Buddhism is probably exactly what I need in my life right now. I'm going to try incorporating them into my daily life, though like all things, change can be hard. Read here for a quick breakdown of the religion.

Sikhism... what?!
After I read about Buddhism, I looked into Sikhism as the last religion to research this month. If I thought Buddhism was appealing, Sikhism took it to a new level. To be honest, I didn't know this religion existed - awkward. But in case you don't know, it's monotheistic and focuses essentially on being at peace with things in the world by seeking God in everyone and everything. "The three duties that a Sikh must carry out can be summed up in three words: Pray, Work, Give." It's so refreshingly... simple.


Now now, I won't be jumping on any bandwagons headed for the temple any time soon. I believe in God. What follows after that is just trying to lead a good life. But looking into these religions practiced worldwide has at least expanded my knowledge and opened my mind to possibilities.


I will continue to look into these two religions especially, even after the month is over... which it is, basically.
-Jamie

Make a new dance up.

Music by Hey Ocean!.

Suuuuper laaaate.


This week was jam-packed with work and uh... general laziness.
But I did make good on my research promise (to myself). Learned quite a bit about Hinduism last week, and turns out it's really interesting. Seems kind of like a pick-and-choose how you like it religion. In fact, some stand on the side of it's not really a religion so much as a cluster of beliefs. One video I watched on youtube, however, was this one convert that kept using the phrase, "we believe..." It sounded nice, everything she said. But apparently Hinduism can't be pinned to one set of structured beliefs. Check out the video here.


Alright, that's all I've got for now. Bigger update to come at the end of the weekend.
-Jamie

Still.

Music by Daughter

Aha! I’ve finally done it. I said ‘this is what I’ll do for the month,’ and actually followed through… at least for the first week. Maybe I just find researching religions and spirituality interesting.

This week, my focus was on Islam, as it’s the second largest organized religion practiced throughout the world. I was interested in it also because this religion is at the heart of many controversies in the states and the Middle East. It was fascinating reading up on it; I was ignorant, as it turns out. Many things about the Islamic faith have been blown up in the media, such as the extremist side of it. But at its core, it’s a simple monotheistic belief in a God who had prophets on the planet to guide us. That’s just the base line, as I came to understand. A lot of things branch out from there, separating Islam from other major religions. One thing I looked into a bit more is the Sunni and Shi’a situation. Turns out that started all because Muslims at the time couldn’t agree on which religious leader to follow after the ‘last prophet’ Muhammad. From there, it only escalated.

Interesting, for sure, but I won’t go into details. I’m no expert.

If anyone’s interested in getting into the nitty gritty of it all, you can go here and explore.

Something I want to explore more myself is the idea of spirituality vs. religion. As I mentioned in the last note, I thought they were kind of the same thing. If you start researching online, many articles pop up on the subject, but they’re all so biased. The Christian websites all say spirituality is the part of Christianity that enhances your relationship with God. Those on the other side of the fence say everything positive about spirituality- like being kind to other humans, having inner peace, etc.- while saying everything negative about organized religion- i.e. being forced into it, being asleep throughout life, being stifled, etc. This is going to be something I’ll have to figure out on my own, instead of looking for an answer somewhere else, or from someone else.

Innnteresting.

-Jamie

December: Contemplate spirituality.

December

Contemplate spirituality.

- Research the top ten organized religions

- Lightly look into fringe religions

(Late at posting! Whoops.)

Anyway...

Many will argue that being spiritual only adds to the experience of life. And for some, that doesn't necessarily mean being religious. Growing up, I associated the two synonymously. Even today, I'm not sure that I can split hairs to find the difference, but it's something I could explore this month.

The important thing is, I've decided that looking into other religions could only help with tolerance of different ideas or of different personalities. I believe that by not understanding a problem, we create conflicts stemming from ignorance or denial. Those who outwardly protest homosexuality or abortion or mental health problems are essentially screaming that they don't have a clue how it all works. Not knowing creats fear, which begets hatred.

So I hypothesize, anyway.

Alright. To be clear from the start, I don't hate religion. I believe in God, only the one of them. Organized religion kind of makes me cringe just because history shows us clearly what masses of people are willing to do in the name of religion. And let's be real, the bible was written by human beings. I'm pretty sure we can all agree that humans come with some faults. So while I have problems with organized religion and believing every word of the bible, I believe in God because of the real presence I've felt in my life.

I digress slightly for the first note of the month. 

Basically, I want to explore spirituality and religion this month just to expand my field of knowledge and fight back some ignorant tendencies. Perhaps if we all truly understood the religions that comprise the Middle East, we'd be more understanding of their needs as a people. I'm not saying anything to support taking action or the opposite, only stating that I think we could all stand to learn a bit about other religions because of their cultural ties.

We'll see. 

In short, I'll spend this month looking into religions from around the world in the hopes that I'm gaining more ammunition to fight negativity in daily life, among other benefits.

-Jamie

So close.

Kidnap Kid.

Wow, another month already done. That's five months down, only seven to go!

In line with my promise to continually research the topic for the month during the actual month, I learned about Elisha Goldstein's The Now Effect. In a video I watched about using breath as an anchor, he talked about the 'see, touch, go' approach. While meditating, it's extremely difficult to focus on nothing and let your mind really be empty. This approach calls for you to see a thought that comes up naturally, reach out and touch it with your mind just for a second, then move on and back to emptying your mind. It was extremely effective for me during a few meditation sessions when I had some minor drama, created in my mind, going on. My brain would organically conjure up images of this drama, I would explore it lightly for a second or two, then I'd go back to a calm present moment. It's something worth trying if you're having problems focusing solely on the moment.

My month of being mindful actually turned into a month of being introspective. The more I focused on thinking about living right now, the more active my brain became. With that activity came a creativity I forgot I possessed.

Okay. So here at the end of November, I've had a satisfying revelation. When I started this project, I felt that I truly needed it to find happiness. I told myself to explore all these topics so that one day when things are stressful again, I'd have built up points to spend on taking care of it head on and positively. Just last week I had a kind of drama come up. Someone I thought of as a friend had essentially 'chosen sides' with my ex. I didn't know that was even a thing anymore. I was especially shocked here just because I thought this person and I genuinely got along in a stand-alone fashion, separate from my ex. But apparently that was not the case. So this sad news paired with a few feelings of rejection in other areas of my life had me quickly spiraling into sadness.

Then I had a snap-out-of-it moment. Hello?! I've been working on this project for moments just like this. I launched into positive self-talk mode. When I would start to feel down about the situation, I would refocus to the immediate moment; emotions associated with that time don't exist unless you focus on them. It hurt to think about all of the fun things I did in Hawaii with this friend while knowing she had decided I wasn't worth keeping in contact with a year later. To avoid feeling negative about it, I decided I deserved a better friend than that and focused on all of the people who love me now. Realizing that no friendships are guaranteed to exist past a certain point helped me to let it go in the end. We had great times together in Hawaii, now she's in a different place in her life, as am I. It's unfortunate that it dissolved like this, but I wouldn't take any of it back.

So here I am, five months into this project, and already I'm different. I could've let those emotions spiral out of control and been mopey for days. Instead, I pulled from all the techniques I've learned over the past few months and said, "no, I don't want to feel this way."

I didn't even have to eat my feelings or cry over a rom-com.

-Jamie

Raconte-moi une histoire.

Music by M83.


When I run long distance, I don't wear headphones or listen to music. I run along the street or path and listen to the sounds of possible oncoming cars, the conversations of people I pass, the various forms of nature all around me, etc. Spending too much time in my own brain is not going to happen because of all the stimuli in my constantly changing settings. However, when I do find myself on a longer stretch of empty road with not much to focus on outside myself, I let my brain wander freely to the important things that have been muddled up or stifled in there as of late. This leads me to land on issues like is this thing with the girl going anywhere, or is getting out of the Navy really something I want to do, or what do I want to do at work to leave my mark? Most of the time I daydream about my plan to get out of the Navy. I'd like to go to school in Oregon and play ultimate frisbee while studying psychology. When I touch on the ultimate frisbee part of the dream, I envision insane layouts or being captain of the team as a sophomore or leading the team to win championships year after year... Those are usually the times that my pace picks up noticeably. An image will flash by of a teammate sprinting down the field after a beautifully thrown back hand by me to the end zone corner, and the rush of adrenaline associated with such a play in my mind kicks in to quicken my steps in real life.


Being mindful this month has not been easy, but I think it has opened some doors. I've not gotten any better at focusing on the present moment, but overall it has sparked in my brain a creativity and thoughtfulness mode that I haven't felt since probably a breakup back in 2010. I was dumped by a girl I dated in high school and through years of on and off long distance drama. I wrote some songs, collaborated with my friend Matt, and put it all on a CD. At that time, I could be driving to work and come up with the starting lines of a song with possible chord progressions as if the universe had just dropped it into the car with me. I wrote the whole CD in about two weeks. I digress...
The point is, my creative streak is back. What's more is I think my empathy levels are at a high. Maybe empathy isn't the right word. It's hard to describe, but I've found myself just overcome with intense feeling for the world around me. I don't know how to get those emotions out in any other way than writing music. I've decided to try finishing a book I started, but sometimes I'm so crippled by all the feelings that I can't seem to organize where I want the story to head.

Everything I've typed so far has just been brain vomit. So many thoughts, emotions, ideas... all because this month is about being mindful. I may not be very good at meditating, but I've found that focusing on thinking has uh... opened my mind to many more thoughts.


I'm exhausted.
-Jamie

Turning into stone.

Music by Phantogram.

Wow. I don’t know that I even have the words to describe the past week. It’s been an incredibly fun ride, to put simply.

This gay cruise to Mexico that I went on was a fantastic idea, and I’m so happy that Bryan and I were both able to make it happen. My favorite thing about this vacation was the people we met. Since I was one of less than 20 women onboard a ship with 2,000 gay men, I obviously got a lot of attention. The guys had no problem talking to me, since I guess you could say I wasn’t a threat to them at all, and there was no fear of rejection. Because of all the attention, Bryan and I were able to meet so many awesome guys. We created a core group of about five, and we spent every night out on the dance floor forgetting about our lives off the ship. We drank too much, laughed too hard, and danced until we were dripping sweat. We built relationships based purely on how we interacted with people on the ship, not by what occupation or position we held in the real world or how much money we made or how old we were. When it came time to get off the ship, we exchanged information and intend on keeping these friendships going. There’s even possibly a reunion cruise in the future.

On top of attention I got from just the guys on the ship, I also had the good fortune to meet almost all of the performers for the cruise. The first night on board, Bryan and I went to a comedy show for Dixie Longate (hilarious). She asked about the lesbians on the cruise, to which I emphatically called out where I was. In front of me, I noticed another woman that looked to be in my age range that I had seen earlier. She also raised her hand, so I introduced myself after the show because I thought she was pretty. Turns out, it was comedian Erin Foley. I didn’t realize where I’d seen her before until the next day, but that night, she hung out with us on the back deck of the ship for a few hours. Throughout the cruise, we got to hang out with her more and more and ended up meeting a lot of the performers through that connection. Comedian Poppy Champlin also included me in some material, and it got a good laugh at her show. I had the chance to have dinner with her as well, which was very nice. All of these people were just great to hang out with, and I’m happy to call them friends now. Comedians, cabaret singers, Broadway stars… who knew.

An odd thing about the trip that didn’t affect me quite as profoundly as it did Bryan though, was essentially the casual sex. Everyone on that ship had a different motivation for being there, don’t get me wrong. There were those who wanted to make connections in love, some wanted to network, some needed a break from their day-to-day hetero world, and some, yes, were in it for the amount of hook-ups they could make happen. Each to their own, I wasn’t there to judge. The point is, it struck Bryan as odd that a lot of these guys could be so flippant about sex. Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I’ve been in too many relationships or non-relationships with physical aspects about them. Maybe in the military, I’ve seen a lot of sexual drama in friends and coworkers. Bryan thought it was so odd that someone could sleep with essentially a complete stranger and have it followed by sometimes zero expectations of friendship or more. This stuff happens all the time in real life on land, but it was made odd by the fact that we were stuck on a ship together for seven days making this stuff happen.

So anyway, as far as the project is concerned, I spent the week absolutely absorbed in living moment to moment in that tiny bubble of a ship. I only meditated a few times, but I spent more than a few nights drunkenly contemplating the world and human interaction on the balcony while staring at the stars. So I feel as though, while I didn’t follow my rules, I still tried to be mindful of everything happening around me.

This vacation also opened up the avenues of creativity for my brain. Being around all the performers and witnessing their incredible talents on the piano or with their vocals alone, it rekindled my desire to be involved in music. I’ve decided to go look for a cheap keyboard and maybe a loop pedal or some simple equipment to go with it. I want to start exploring that world of music, not just the guitar and ukulele.

Alright, done being boring for the day. I’m currently on the last leg of the trip back home, so I’m exhausted and jet lagged already.

-Jamie

Twelve.

Music brought to you by Mo Kolours.

(Note: this was written while on the cruise.)

This week will be intense.

A few months ago, I suggested my friend Bryan and I go on a cruise together. A few months later, we’re on an Atlantis gay boy cruise. We’re cruising to Mexico with 2,000 gay men.

And I could not be having a better time so far. This gay cruise has been absolutely fantastic. The gay boys are totally fine with this girl here crashing the party. So many times I’ve just walked into an elevator or a different room and heard, “Whoa, a girl!” Sometimes that’s followed by an enthusiastic hug or even a full conversation. These gay boys sure know how to be inclusive.

As for the project, the past few days as I’ve been on vacation, I’ve not been very good at focusing on the now. However, I think as a whole, I’ve been great at focusing on living life ‘in the moment.’ These two things are slightly different, in my opinion. Bringing my full attention to the now, as it happens, takes concentration and a bit of brain power. Simply living in the moment, to me, means not thinking too much into the future. It means living today, as if I won’t be around tomorrow.

Maybe it’s okay to make those distinctions.

I feel as though it was an accident but a convenient one that I chose November as the ‘mindful’ month. Many of my friends are posting statuses on facebook about being thankful, since it’s thanksgiving time. To me, being mindful means sometimes I’m overly aware of how thankful I am for everything. Sitting on the deck of this cruise ship, catching rays and watching the gay guys walk by, I’m overwhelmed with thanks for the human spirit. They’re welcoming, inclusive, and mostly enthusiastic about my presence. This makes me thankful to be human and for having the means to take such a cruise or break from work.

Sitting on my own personal balcony alone, typing this as Bryan enjoys a dinner for singles to meet, preparing to go to a comedy show where I personally know the comedian from introducing myself the night before… I am yet again overwhelmed with that feeling of gratitude for the world being the way that it is.

We’re all here for a purpose, and if that’s just so we meet these individuals in tiny speedos with open minds in a world of inclusivity and freedom and love… then I will take that. Any day.

Being mindful sometimes goes hand in hand with being thankful, to sum up this week.
-Jamie

November: Be mindful.

November

Be mindful.

- Meditate, meditate, meditate.
- Breathing exercises.

Being in the present is a difficult thing for most of us to practice regularly. We busy our minds with to-do lists for the upcoming events on our social calendar or spend a lot of brain power thinking about things we wish we could have changed in the past. This month, I will work on weening myself off of those constant thoughts and will try very hard to focus on the present moment as it is happening (obviously). It will be tricky mainly because our silly human brains have developed to put tons of emphasis on the future. We no longer think about killing just enough to be fed for today; we think about meals days or weeks in advance. We no longer move our clan around to avoid being killed by predators and following game; we ponder what our next career move should be to get us that sweet gig in 5 to 10 years from now. Arghhh... brain, why can't you just be still for one minute?

This month should be interesting. I'm going to get fully back into the meditating business so I can spend at least 5 to 10 minutes daily focusing on my breath and physical body in the moment. Instead of getting worked up about things that could happen at work or have happened in the past, I will work on bringing myself fully into the moment as a way to manage emotions and stress.

Apparently, I have much to learn on this topic. In the past few months, I've set up a path to follow at the beginning of the month, but I hardly ever followed up by doing more research into that topic. From now on, I plan on spending an hour or two here and there gathering more information on these topics in the hopes of expanding my ideas.


This will be difficult, since I'm almost always living in the past or future. But it should also be refreshing to think about only what's in front of me.

Here I go.
-Jamie

Shell Shell Bye

Music by Taylor Deupree.

October didn't teach me much, but only because I didn't put in all the effort I could have. If I had pressed myself, I'd have at least four or more new songs in my personal arsenal. Instead, I dilly-dallied and spent my time elsewhere. When I have something to say using music, I'll find a way to say it. For now, I'll stick to having fun on the few instruments I can get sounds from.

October was fun for the picture taking process. I've really missed working with angles and interesting visions in every day life. I kept all the picture taking throughout the month to just my cell phone. I'd say most of the photos came out pretty well, so I'm not upset with that decision. Perhaps now I can get back into it with my Nikon. Or maybe finally buy that Nikon I've been wanting...

Though I didn't accomplish much in the way of creativity and I more or less took a hiatus from morning pushups/situps, song reviews, and quotes, I did get a wake up call for this project. My attitude has been sliding backwards down a nasty hill the past few weeks, and it became clear to me that I need to adjust that again. This next month should be perfect for this kind of situation.


Here are a few snapshots from the last week of October:

27th - Hung out with Codi and enjoyed BBQing with some friends. 

28th - Giant moth... Wish I'd have put something next to it for comparison.

30th - Explored downtown Naha with Codi and found this drunk guy.

31st - Out at the gazebo, the pilots from one of our crews carved this bad boy.

Good end of the month message.

So that was October. Four months down, eight to go.
-Jamie

The Submarine.

Music brought to you by Whitley.


When I first thought of doing this project, I almost labeled it something with 'agape' in the title. I wanted to focus on love for myself and in turn, love for others. Somehow, that's gotten lost in the past few months. Somehow I've started focusing on the tiny aspects of this project, not the overarching theme of improvement. In the past month, I've regressed into biting my nails, I've become less patient with people, and I've stopped trying to find enlightening songs/quotes for the week. This needs to change. If I want to look at myself in the mirror on June 30th, 2014 and see a changed person, only I can make it happen. There's no room for self-pity or destructive thoughts- only positivity. I don't even remember the last time I reviewed my commandments...


Okay, no more whining. Here are some pictures from the past week. I'm having a blast with this part of the project at least. And I got to spend some time at home with my favorite guitar so I think new songs are on the horizon.

22nd - Flew away for typhoon avoidance. View out the window.

24th - Boring day, but enjoyed the fall weather.

25th - More rain rain rain.

That's all I've got for this week. Be a better human... That's what I need to do.

-Jamie

Buzzcut season.

Music brought to you by Lorde.


I feel like I'm barely doing this project anymore. I can hardly breathe because of work- it's all eat, work, workout, sleep, repeat.


At least meditation has continued and I've kept playing my ukulele or guitar every day. Also, it's been quite helpful listening to Lorde's new album as far as getting ideas for songs to write. She's so young! At 16, it's inspirational that she's found her style and voice. If I listen to her music for an extended amount of time, I just want to get an instrument out and put some words down.



What I need though, is inspiration for this project. It originally started because I needed to find things to make me happy. I've found tons of things. Now I don't know how to keep this going without it being a burden.

Bleh.
-Jamie

Tiderays.

Music by Volcano Choir (a Bon Iver side project).


My iPod is jam-packed with new music. Lately, it just seems to be coming at me from everywhere. Every new person I meet or talk to seems to have a suggestion of things to listen to. Fine by me. Music is inspirational.

One such new artist is 16 year old Lorde. I didn't realize she was the one that sang 'Royals,' but she did and I even like that one. The point is, she's 16 and her lyrics catch my attention. To be so young and full of things to say, with a voice to say them... that's worth watching out for.


I have yet to complete a song that I've started writing all month. I've got about three with music or at least ideas of where to take them, but nothing is really sticking. Maybe I should take the writing outside my room and find somewhere inspirational to finish those up. The major hesitation for me seems to be that I feel like everyone has already said what I want to say. Therefore, why muck up the music world with more words of personal experience? Which leads me to want to say something about the human experience. Which leads to an overwhelming... sadness? I don't have anything to contribute, is what it comes down to in my brain.


Anyway, here are some picture from the past week:

10th - Busy all day, tried to spend some time writing though.

11th - Crew BBQ at midnight.

13th - This is how some people stay awake on night flights at work.

The picture taking continues to be a source of fun for this month. Maybe I'll keep it up throughout the coming months.

Side note- I've decided to hike the Appalachian Trail. It won't happen for about two to three years because I need to get out of the Navy first. But it's going to happen.

Have a lovely week, all.

-Jamie

Pause.

Sorry! The project had to take a little break due to weather- wow, sounds like a cop-out.
But really, there was a typhoon here, so we had to move north for avoidance. Because we only expected to be there a few days, I didn't bring my computer or anything. Then we had to push back the return date because a second typhoon formed.

However, that didn't stop me from working on creativity. In fact, I was able to return to my actual house where all my nice guitars live. So I spent hours and hours playing the guitar and writing music. I also got back into reading. So overall, it was a win for creativity.

I've also been diligent about my picture-a-day project. It's actually been fun thinking about what I could photograph to summarize my day or relay some kind of emotion for that day. I'll include a sample or two below. Maybe I should post all of these pictures collectively somewhere... Yeah, I should do that.


So for my birthday, my sister decided that every month for the next year, she'll send me a book via kindle that we can both read. It's our Sister Fun-Time Book Club. Last month's was a book by Jennifer Davis called Becoming Odyssa: Adventures on the Appalachian Trail. I've always kind of played with the idea of doing this hike. I have a giant book in my living room with the history of the AT laid out with pictures, and this will be the second book I've read about someone hiking it.

I'm toying with the idea even now that I should really do it... The more I think about it, the more possible it really becomes in my mind. I get out of the Navy in two years, what better way to sum up this huge life event than by marking it with another huge life event? Well, I'll keep thinking about it...


Here are some snaps from the past eight days:

10/1 - Ran the sea wall outside base. Neat scuba shack.

10/3 - For weather avoidance, got to go back home. It's autumn weather there.

10/5 - Delicious pumpkin shots from my favorite hookah bar up north, Karma('s).

10/7 - Adorable shoe lockers at a Japanese restaurant.

So there's just a sample of the pictures I've taken in the past week. I love this part of my project.
-Jamie